Ranvir Thapar - Blog Q2 Post #8 - Love Not War
What is love? In my opinion this has to be the most complicated question on the planet. You ask 100 different people, you’ll get 100 different answers. However, the epitome of love in society is most commonly associated with marriage.
Ideally, marriage occurs when two people believe that they have found the other person that completes them, the person they will spend the rest of their life with—in sickness and in health, til death do them apart. So I ask, what the HELLY is going on in America right now?
Divorce rates are consistently hovering between the 45% to 49% range. Let’s think a moment to think about that, almost every other married couple you see, their marriage ends in divorce. Why?
Specifically in America, the average lifespan of a marriage is 8 years with over 80% of those marriages resulting in at least 1 kid. You would think that a kid would strengthen the bond between husband and wife, but unfortunately that’s not the case.
In the United States, of the marriages that end in divorce, almost 43% of them end because of money. Whether it’s because one partner is too poor or even too rich.
What do I mean by too rich? One partner got married to the other for wealth and economical reasons, duped the other for a year or two and divorced them taking half their wealth for themselves as well as a monthly alimony. Marriages such as these are quite common. Why? In a declining economy, opportunity is slowly shrinking and almost disappearing and nobody wants to have to fight to figure out where their next meal is coming from. Sham marriages seem to be an easy way out.
Another reason marriages end is because of infidelity. I am 1000% against infidelity because sometimes yes people lose feelings but rather than communicating that with their partner and ending on better terms, they allow that moment of weakness to become all consuming leading to a violently rising culture of cheating within the United States.
How can the culture throughout America change? Can we get back to that story book of ever lasting romance we see in movies and stories or are we set on a downward spiral as a society where love doesn’t exist rather erratic infatuation controls the feelings of future generations.
Hi Ranvir, frankly I found your blog topic slightly surprising but as usual interesting nonetheless. I found your use of tiktok stims particularly intriguing, as they contributed to the humorous tone of your blog. I agree with your argument that marriages often end in divorce, frankly since I was twelve as I reminisce about the good old days where I would scroll through TMZ and Buzzfeed news for fun I remember asking myself why nobody was staying together anymore. It was breakup after breakup divorce after divorce and frankly with society shirking off its suppressive idea of soulmates (I hope you noticed my use of the vocabulary as I am practicing for our impending final) I think breakups and divorces are going to increase and frankly this may be surprising but I do not have an issue with it. The idea of spending your ENTIRE life with the SAME person is unrealistic, changing your friends, environments and just the people you surround yourself with is a symbol of growth, which is something we do the entirety of our lives. You do not hit 50 and suddenly decide you have accomplished all you need to accomplish and have met everyone you have to meet. The concept that your soulmate/spouse is supposed to be everything for you, your best friend, your lover, your rock, your support system is incredibly unrealistic and its unfair to project that onto someone else. Frankly divorces have always been as popular as they are today they were just never as open. People will cheat, people will have open marriages, people will permanently live thousands of miles away from their spouses as they have for centuries. People now just announce it publicly. People grow, emotions change, people start wanting different things in life and different phases accompany you at different times in your life, if you find someone who grows with you amidst all of this, then congratulations, but for the most of us this will not happen and frankly I think that is natural. My excessive tangent aside, I enjoyed your blog and it really got me thinking about the romantic state of society.
ReplyDeleteHi Ranvir! I certainly was not expecting your blog to progress the way it did, but it was very interesting and thought-provoking. At first when I saw how high America’s divorce rate was, I began generating reasons as to why. My initial thoughts were the usual differences you see on the news or TikTok. So-and-so broke up due to infidelity or frequent arguing or poor communication or domestic abuse. I was surprised to see that 43% of divorces were due to financial problems. I really thought sham marriages were just plotlines for reality TV shows and The Proposal. I have actually seen a few news articles in the last couple months about marriages, like Margaret and Andrew’s in The Proposal, regarding citizenship and visa status. Hypothetically, I guess the reason you proposed (see what I did there, The Proposal, get it?) makes sense because of the widening economic gap and desperation. Regardless, sham marriages (due to money or citizenship) are really disheartening because it diminishes the sanctity of marriage (I’m not sure if that sounded too dramatic) and the people who decided to enter that marriage were in such desperate conditions, which largely trace back to the government’s actions. Maybe all these K-dramas are giving me a false sense of reality, but I truly believe that “that story book of ever lasting romance” isn’t fictitious.
ReplyDeleteTo piggy back off of Anshina’s comment, I do think reasons for divorce have always existed. If we look at The Great Gatsby, infidelity is well and thriving in the 20s, however divorce itself just wasn’t seen as a viable option. Whether that’s because a woman didn’t have the same rights/empowerment that she would have now or because a person’s culture made marriage seem too holy to be easily broken.
Ranvir, I loved your exploration of love in the US, and how marriage is considered to be the “epitome” of that love. I know you talked about divorce rates, but along with those, marriage rates before the age of 30 are also decreasing: I think that could actually help decrease divorce rates because people take the time to actually choose someone who actually completes them instead of getting married on a whim because society expects marriages at a certain age. I love your commentary on how children are supposed to increase the bond between spouses, and I believe that one of the reasons why divorces sometimes get really messy are children, as children are of course the ones most affected by the separation of their parents. On the topic of your writing, I think your use of colloquial diction like “HELLY” and “duped” add so much more character to your writing and engage the reader much more than if you hadn’t used it. Additionally, your use of solid statistics exponentially increases the credibility of your writing, but you could increase it even further by citing sources for the statistics, perhaps increasing your credibility by x^3 instead of x^2 (getting preparation in for the BC final:). Overall, thank you for an amazing piece!
ReplyDeleteTo further ponder the question of love, I would also like to acknowledge the origins of marriage. Martial unions were not created to “unite” people who are in love; their purpose was to facilitate political alliances and strategic connections. Of course, it is now mainly viewed as a vow of undying love in places like America. I personally like this shift because marriage isn’t purely an obligation anymore, and people get to choose who they spend the rest of their lives with. Still, with the concerningly-high divorce rates you mention, it’s clear that the majority of Americans don’t want to spend the rest of their life with the person they marry.
ReplyDeleteAdding another hypothesis as to why this is the case: not everyone is built for the heternormative roles that have been pushed onto couples. Being legally binded to a person is not the only way to show that they are your soulmate, and oftentimes, it can even be restricting. Both Harshi and Anshina made good points about how divorce rates don’t necessarily indicate that people are becoming more unhappy with their significant other, but rather more people are verbalizing that unhappiness.
BTW, I’ve mentioned this before, but I can really see the hopeless romantic personality shining through in many of your blogs. I admire people who look toward the way things could be rather than feeling hopeless about what they are. In a world full of pessimists, we need more of you!