Week 1 Blog 1 - Ranvir Thapar - Letting Go
I still hear it, the squeak of my shoes hitting the hardwood floor, the sound of the ball swishing through the net, when the ref yells “Overtime!” The feeling of taking off my shoes, or the roar of the crowd that one time I hit the game winning layup just as time expired.
Basketball was my life. For the better part of 12 years I ate, slept, and breathed basketball. It was the only thing I had ever been good at, the only place where I had no fear, where I knew no matter what, every time I stepped on the court, I was the best.
For years I pushed the boundaries of both my physical and mental limits: running up and down Coyote Hills until it felt like the sky was falling, surviving the most brutal workouts that I swear coach Gabe Mercado designed to make me want to die – the only moment of solace was a thirty second plank. The weird thing was, I enjoyed it: the pain, the inability to walk the next day, the black eyes from never backing down from the bullies, and the bruises which served as a reminder that no matter how hard I get knocked down the only thing that matters is getting back up.
I was in love.
Basketball had a hold on me stronger than Dean’s insecurities when it came to Rory in season three of Gilmore Girls. No matter how many times I was sent to the end of the bench, yelled at and berated, I was relentless. While therapists agree that this is not the healthiest relationship type, it didn't matter because for me it was true love. Then one day it all stopped.
Somewhere along the way, reality set in, I wasn’t going anywhere with the sport; I was barely an above average player and high school started to get real. The thing I loved doing so much was out of my control because someone else controlled how often I got in the game; I started dreading practice because it became a chore not the escape it once was. How did this happen?
The truth is, I was tired. Tired of killing myself everyday just for someone else who worked half as hard as me to win the coaches' favor. Angry because the team was supposed to be a brotherhood, but it had been reduced to a gladiator arena where it was each one for himself.
So I quit. As easy as it was to type those three words, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Basketball was my identity.
I was lost for a while, I didn’t know what to do and some sick part of me missed just being the best at something. However, it taught me the most important thing I have learned – the only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance (Alan Watts).
Hi Ranvir, I thought your blog was incredibly genuine but also relatable. As an athlete myself I can understand falling in love with a sport, the sense of escapism it creates is a much needed distraction with the stressors of school, homework and other extracurriculars. I liked how you expressed the harsh reality of high school sports as it's not something many people like to talk about. I commend you for your authenticity as I have definitely thought about quitting the sports that I play, not counting the ones I have decided to quit. But my personal stories aside, I think you did a great job being honest with yourself and your audience in your first blog entry and I admire your candor. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Ranvir, I loved the imagery you used throughout your blog. I could feel how important basketball was to you and how it offered you a sense of fulfillment. What struck me the most was how deeply I resonated with your situation. I recently dropped an extracurricular that felt like more than just another activity; it was an integral part of me. I applaud you for being authentic and sharing your difficult decision. I like the Alan Watts quote you have included. It's a reminder to all of us that change should be welcome and not seen as the end of the road. I think it is a lesson very crucial for anyone our age to learn because there is so much more beyond what we already do that is yet to be explored.
ReplyDeleteHi Ranvir! I loved the raw passion you showed that you have for Basketball. I love how you expressed the struggles you faced with the competition to become the best and how that has shaped your identity. Honestly, I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to quit basketball, but the picture that you painted with your blog showcased some of the many, many struggles you had. However, I hope you haven’t quit playing basketball entirely; since it was so important to you for so many years, you still have some sort of a connection. Even playing for fun should bring you some joy, and I hope you haven’t totally lost that aspect of yourself!
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